MY JOURNEY TO FAST TRACK

I can't really remember at what point I wanted to be totally immersed in Parelli, and help to change the world about people and horses. When I started rehabilitating Jack, at the time I was too wrapped up in ticking off his bad habits list and trying to not end up having accidents. About 6 months after starting the programme, I had a nasty incident in the school, where Jack spooked. My old habits kicked in and I tried to hold him with both reins and he ended up exploding and bronced me off. I injured my hip quite badly and was not able to ride for weeks. I think at that point I knew I needed to stick to everything and get it right. I wasn't able to ride so ground work was the only way forward.

From then I tried to get my hands on everything there was, to be able to learn. The principles soaked into my life outside of horses as well. It made sense. Jack changed and he became everything to me. I knew this is what I wanted. But I have hang ups. I never feel good enough and doubt my abilities. In the world of horses there is no half way. The horse will speak to you and show you up for every blemish you have. Jack was forgiving, but he would make sure that if I was not doing something right he would show me. But on the other hand when I got it right he would reward me tenfold with his progress and the strength of bond in our relationship. He wanted to be with me. With people I always felt I had to seek their approval, and if I got it I would always doubt their reasons. With Jack I knew there were no underlying reasons. It was a relationship that was honest and based just on friendship and trust.

Last year when I went out to clinics I hit an emotional wall, this was a turning point. My self doubt crept in and I really wondered if I could be brave enough, emotionally, to take this to a higher level. After my first day, and lots and lots of soul searching I had to make a leap of faith. A leap of faith in myself, in my horse and in Parelli. I had some fantastic support from Beth and Terri and I went back. It wasn't easy but we progressed and I had a strong focus that I would do it, not for me but for my horse, who had so much fear at times that I needed him to feel safe and happy. Through the winter I wrote, I reflected, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I dealt with my fears. The first time I sat on Jack bareback with just a halter and rope and rode him around the school, I had tears of joy running down my face. I never ever thought I would feel the closeness of being at one with him and totally totally trust him not to hurt me.

The beginning of this year I drove down to James Roberts in Wiltshire for a workshop, and once again I was inspired by the amount of knowledge and brilliance of the Parelli Professionals. I think a seed had been sown. A couple of weeks later I went to another Terri Martinus clinic to spectate, and I remember sitting there listening and I think a bit of water and sunshine was sprinkled on my seed and it started to grow.

A few years ago I was fortunate to become a project manager funded by comic relief to help to raise awareness of the abuse of older people. I worked tirelessly for 3 years, and during that time, I wrote and implemented training which was used throughout every care home in the London borough of Kingston, every hospital, police, social services, London ambulance, home care agencies, victim support and more. My training sessions had waiting lists. I assisted victims and their families and older domestic violence victims to change their lives. I spoke at the house of commons and submitted reports on the abuse and helped to get laws in place to protect older people. I was interviewed by the National Guardian newspaper, shadowed by the BBC and worked as an advisor on a drama with Kevin Whately and Richard Briers called DAD, and was presented a National Award for the Prevention of Abuse of Older People. A proud moment. As all good things, however, the funding ended and I moved on though it is still part of me.

However, with my planted seed, I know how Parelli works to change the world for horses who are abused and emotionally and psychologically damaged. My horse has healed me. So surely I could use my ambition, my drive, to heal horses and help humans to do this. I could be a Parelli Professional. Financially it would be hard, but if I waited and saved for a couple of years I could do it. My little voice inside though said you are not good enough! Then Beth was heading off to fast track, and I made a little comment, of which her reply to me was, 'never say never'.  I think at that point I went on the waiting list with a view to try and follow my dream and go to the fast track in 2012. So, if I wasn't good enough then at least I would be trying.

Then of course I got my phone call 8 weeks ago saying that there was a place in June that was available. It was completely unexpected. Threw me and my plans to the wind. Ian, my husband, just said go. I figured work would stand in my way, but my boss said life is too short to stand in the way of things people want to do. He gave me the time off.

I am now standing at the threshold of something big. Two more days and I am off to Fast Track. I am going to work so hard and focus so much to do this. Not only for me, but for all those horses out there like Jack. Frightened, neglected, scared and with people not understanding why they react like they do. To teach people to change the way they are with horses to make horses happy. I want to teach children at the source. So that they grow up learning how to behave with horses and to have fun with them. At the same time, I want to find myself fulfilled and knowing that I have found true happiness. Horses mirror your soul. I want to look in my horses eyes and see me standing there smiling in the reflection....together!