Fast Track DAY 2 - (high emotion warning) ok so this morning started with a bang. Unfortunately a bit too literally, as my head connected with the Solid metal stable door when Jack went RB. Another horse went out of it's stable and he suddenly got into his head that the herd was leaving. At the same moment I was entering his stable and was just behind his door as he went to charge through it. Next thing there was a horrendous bang, lots of pain, and I was seeing stars laying on the floor. He didn't knock me out so my head must be good and hard. It must have given him a start as he actually stayed in the stable, but I did let out a bit of a squeal! A large egg, covered half my forehead and was looking A bit Munster family like. My eye is slightly sore, but I think I have escaped a shiner. Have a multitude of bruises all over including a very impressive lump on my thigh, which I found in the shower!!!
Anyway, I then couldn't get jack out of the stable as his energy was too up. As he was banging the door down someone ran to get an instructor as I was out of my depth. However, I learned that I am so not hard enough. Jack came storming out the stable, completely not thinking and I saw a proper phase 4....wham! He got several as he was rearing and trying to run and couldn't stand still. By those standards I probably only get to a 2!!!!! I then got instruction on how to deal with him and not allow that focus to go off me. It was only 9am and my arms were falling off.
My head was throbbing and I was feeling quite strained. I was awake at 3.30am as I just can't sleep. My dinner went in the bin last night too as I couldn't face it. And anyone who knows me, knows how much I like my food!
The rest of the morning were assessments and more assessments. Firstly on knot tying and then online tests. Some of which I did ok on, particularly any involving moving the feet!!! Others which usually are not an issue, just fell apart....and some which I thought had no hope with, we did really well ...principle 2!!!!! We also had our attitudes tested as the rain clouds came over head and the heavens opened. We were all soaked through, but the sun did reappear.
Jack decided he really did not want to go back into his stable as he had enjoyed the grass and freedom too much. Quite quickly an angel appeared and put him in. The instructors were super with me today, constantly checking to make sure I felt all right and helping me with jack when needed.
When we broke for lunch I hung back at the end, and waited for everyone to thin out. At which point I went and sat in the car and sobbed my heart out. I think it was me releasing huge amounts of tension from the last couple of days and probably longer. But part of this course is emotional fitness and I needed a good clean out of pent up fear, stress, worry, and much more...out it came and then I felt a whole lot better. Went and washed my face, smiled and went for lunch.
The afternoons session was freestyle testing. I didn't ride for obvious reasons, but I wasn't alone. We did well however in bridling from our knees, except I went first in my group. I headed over to what I thought was something for us to kneel on as the ground was wet, only to be told...er...that is the instructors coat! So my cheeks were now matching my forehead in colour!
The blub had obviously improved my attitude. All I kept thinking was how I want to be a better leader so that my horse can feel safe with me no matter what. At the end of the afternoons tests I managed to put my horse away and keep him under control in the stable, with a new game called you stick your head out the door when I am asking you back and I will bop you on the nose. Hard. No mercy! New version of don't make me pick up my stick. It was very effective. I actually managed to muck him out for the first time since we arrived and tie up his hay net and do nice things, rather than throw it all over the door! Ok, so he was tired, but I felt that I was being progressive.
I finally got back to my room @ half 8. I left at 6 this morning, I am exhausted but it has been a good day...yes, really!! I learned tons, I got frightened half to death about how much we are going to learn over the next few weeks, and I didn't realise how ill prepared I was.....my goodness it is going to be tough.............
Tuesday 7 June 2011
Monday 6 June 2011
Fast track day one
FAST TRACK DAY 1 - The day started with heavy rain. Was so stressed and worried this morning I was ill! But jack loaded in about 10 minutes, thanks to some helping hands. I didn't go near him as I was too all over the place. He travelled well and even the M25 was kind to us and we arrived at 11am. Jack wasn't overly enamoured with his stable and took a little while to decide that outside I would hassle him, inside he got left alone. He wasnt interested in any food or water, and proceeded to try and bash the door down, making a huge racket. But this wasnt the first time he has been this way, so I tied some rope to the door to make it more secure and walked off. It wasnt too long before he realised attention wasn't coming and quietened down. Got some basic yard rules, found out where stuff was and unloaded all the feed and bits into the store room then went to find my room.
Stoneleigh park is very confusing, and at the end of getting lost, confused and driving around aimlessly for an hour,I managed to get some landmarks and orientated myself round quite well. I am staying the The hostel, Blackdown Village. The room is ....er.....small! But it is clean and dry and warm. And has WIFI :0)
After lunch, 24 nervous strangers congregated in the classroom for our induction. Some people brought their horses from Switzerland, and Sweden....puts into perspective my 3 hour journey! We then had the written exam, some of which I knew, and some of which I didn't have a clue! So learning WILL occur ;0)
We then headed out to get the horses and look around. Jack did his usual RB move his feet business, and snatched grass. He is great at making me feel totally inadequate, but I got him into a falling leaf pattern and managed to get his energy under control. We did some moseying and looked around the huge Parelli playground. I did some very basic touch it but jack took nearly an hour to blow out, so we kept stuff low key. Plenty of time....but can't wait to go under the car wash!!
The sun shone this afternoon and it was lovely to be out with all the horses. Jack managed to let the side down when we went into a lovely horse shoe, all of the horses standing grazing nicely and he decided it was as good a time as any to have a roll. His stand still was a bit lacking too ...now there is a surprise!!
Once jack was tucked up with his hay and his treat ball I realised it was getting on for 8pm. I said goodnight, microwaved some dinner for me, and finally managed to relax after a long day.
Tomorrow, assessments.......
Stoneleigh park is very confusing, and at the end of getting lost, confused and driving around aimlessly for an hour,I managed to get some landmarks and orientated myself round quite well. I am staying the The hostel, Blackdown Village. The room is ....er.....small! But it is clean and dry and warm. And has WIFI :0)
After lunch, 24 nervous strangers congregated in the classroom for our induction. Some people brought their horses from Switzerland, and Sweden....puts into perspective my 3 hour journey! We then had the written exam, some of which I knew, and some of which I didn't have a clue! So learning WILL occur ;0)
We then headed out to get the horses and look around. Jack did his usual RB move his feet business, and snatched grass. He is great at making me feel totally inadequate, but I got him into a falling leaf pattern and managed to get his energy under control. We did some moseying and looked around the huge Parelli playground. I did some very basic touch it but jack took nearly an hour to blow out, so we kept stuff low key. Plenty of time....but can't wait to go under the car wash!!
The sun shone this afternoon and it was lovely to be out with all the horses. Jack managed to let the side down when we went into a lovely horse shoe, all of the horses standing grazing nicely and he decided it was as good a time as any to have a roll. His stand still was a bit lacking too ...now there is a surprise!!
Once jack was tucked up with his hay and his treat ball I realised it was getting on for 8pm. I said goodnight, microwaved some dinner for me, and finally managed to relax after a long day.
Tomorrow, assessments.......
Friday 3 June 2011
MY JOURNEY TO FAST TRACK
I can't really remember at what point I wanted to be totally immersed in Parelli, and help to change the world about people and horses. When I started rehabilitating Jack, at the time I was too wrapped up in ticking off his bad habits list and trying to not end up having accidents. About 6 months after starting the programme, I had a nasty incident in the school, where Jack spooked. My old habits kicked in and I tried to hold him with both reins and he ended up exploding and bronced me off. I injured my hip quite badly and was not able to ride for weeks. I think at that point I knew I needed to stick to everything and get it right. I wasn't able to ride so ground work was the only way forward.
From then I tried to get my hands on everything there was, to be able to learn. The principles soaked into my life outside of horses as well. It made sense. Jack changed and he became everything to me. I knew this is what I wanted. But I have hang ups. I never feel good enough and doubt my abilities. In the world of horses there is no half way. The horse will speak to you and show you up for every blemish you have. Jack was forgiving, but he would make sure that if I was not doing something right he would show me. But on the other hand when I got it right he would reward me tenfold with his progress and the strength of bond in our relationship. He wanted to be with me. With people I always felt I had to seek their approval, and if I got it I would always doubt their reasons. With Jack I knew there were no underlying reasons. It was a relationship that was honest and based just on friendship and trust.
Last year when I went out to clinics I hit an emotional wall, this was a turning point. My self doubt crept in and I really wondered if I could be brave enough, emotionally, to take this to a higher level. After my first day, and lots and lots of soul searching I had to make a leap of faith. A leap of faith in myself, in my horse and in Parelli. I had some fantastic support from Beth and Terri and I went back. It wasn't easy but we progressed and I had a strong focus that I would do it, not for me but for my horse, who had so much fear at times that I needed him to feel safe and happy. Through the winter I wrote, I reflected, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I dealt with my fears. The first time I sat on Jack bareback with just a halter and rope and rode him around the school, I had tears of joy running down my face. I never ever thought I would feel the closeness of being at one with him and totally totally trust him not to hurt me.
The beginning of this year I drove down to James Roberts in Wiltshire for a workshop, and once again I was inspired by the amount of knowledge and brilliance of the Parelli Professionals. I think a seed had been sown. A couple of weeks later I went to another Terri Martinus clinic to spectate, and I remember sitting there listening and I think a bit of water and sunshine was sprinkled on my seed and it started to grow.
A few years ago I was fortunate to become a project manager funded by comic relief to help to raise awareness of the abuse of older people. I worked tirelessly for 3 years, and during that time, I wrote and implemented training which was used throughout every care home in the London borough of Kingston, every hospital, police, social services, London ambulance, home care agencies, victim support and more. My training sessions had waiting lists. I assisted victims and their families and older domestic violence victims to change their lives. I spoke at the house of commons and submitted reports on the abuse and helped to get laws in place to protect older people. I was interviewed by the National Guardian newspaper, shadowed by the BBC and worked as an advisor on a drama with Kevin Whately and Richard Briers called DAD, and was presented a National Award for the Prevention of Abuse of Older People. A proud moment. As all good things, however, the funding ended and I moved on though it is still part of me.
However, with my planted seed, I know how Parelli works to change the world for horses who are abused and emotionally and psychologically damaged. My horse has healed me. So surely I could use my ambition, my drive, to heal horses and help humans to do this. I could be a Parelli Professional. Financially it would be hard, but if I waited and saved for a couple of years I could do it. My little voice inside though said you are not good enough! Then Beth was heading off to fast track, and I made a little comment, of which her reply to me was, 'never say never'. I think at that point I went on the waiting list with a view to try and follow my dream and go to the fast track in 2012. So, if I wasn't good enough then at least I would be trying.
Then of course I got my phone call 8 weeks ago saying that there was a place in June that was available. It was completely unexpected. Threw me and my plans to the wind. Ian, my husband, just said go. I figured work would stand in my way, but my boss said life is too short to stand in the way of things people want to do. He gave me the time off.
I am now standing at the threshold of something big. Two more days and I am off to Fast Track. I am going to work so hard and focus so much to do this. Not only for me, but for all those horses out there like Jack. Frightened, neglected, scared and with people not understanding why they react like they do. To teach people to change the way they are with horses to make horses happy. I want to teach children at the source. So that they grow up learning how to behave with horses and to have fun with them. At the same time, I want to find myself fulfilled and knowing that I have found true happiness. Horses mirror your soul. I want to look in my horses eyes and see me standing there smiling in the reflection....together!
From then I tried to get my hands on everything there was, to be able to learn. The principles soaked into my life outside of horses as well. It made sense. Jack changed and he became everything to me. I knew this is what I wanted. But I have hang ups. I never feel good enough and doubt my abilities. In the world of horses there is no half way. The horse will speak to you and show you up for every blemish you have. Jack was forgiving, but he would make sure that if I was not doing something right he would show me. But on the other hand when I got it right he would reward me tenfold with his progress and the strength of bond in our relationship. He wanted to be with me. With people I always felt I had to seek their approval, and if I got it I would always doubt their reasons. With Jack I knew there were no underlying reasons. It was a relationship that was honest and based just on friendship and trust.
Last year when I went out to clinics I hit an emotional wall, this was a turning point. My self doubt crept in and I really wondered if I could be brave enough, emotionally, to take this to a higher level. After my first day, and lots and lots of soul searching I had to make a leap of faith. A leap of faith in myself, in my horse and in Parelli. I had some fantastic support from Beth and Terri and I went back. It wasn't easy but we progressed and I had a strong focus that I would do it, not for me but for my horse, who had so much fear at times that I needed him to feel safe and happy. Through the winter I wrote, I reflected, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I dealt with my fears. The first time I sat on Jack bareback with just a halter and rope and rode him around the school, I had tears of joy running down my face. I never ever thought I would feel the closeness of being at one with him and totally totally trust him not to hurt me.
The beginning of this year I drove down to James Roberts in Wiltshire for a workshop, and once again I was inspired by the amount of knowledge and brilliance of the Parelli Professionals. I think a seed had been sown. A couple of weeks later I went to another Terri Martinus clinic to spectate, and I remember sitting there listening and I think a bit of water and sunshine was sprinkled on my seed and it started to grow.
A few years ago I was fortunate to become a project manager funded by comic relief to help to raise awareness of the abuse of older people. I worked tirelessly for 3 years, and during that time, I wrote and implemented training which was used throughout every care home in the London borough of Kingston, every hospital, police, social services, London ambulance, home care agencies, victim support and more. My training sessions had waiting lists. I assisted victims and their families and older domestic violence victims to change their lives. I spoke at the house of commons and submitted reports on the abuse and helped to get laws in place to protect older people. I was interviewed by the National Guardian newspaper, shadowed by the BBC and worked as an advisor on a drama with Kevin Whately and Richard Briers called DAD, and was presented a National Award for the Prevention of Abuse of Older People. A proud moment. As all good things, however, the funding ended and I moved on though it is still part of me.
However, with my planted seed, I know how Parelli works to change the world for horses who are abused and emotionally and psychologically damaged. My horse has healed me. So surely I could use my ambition, my drive, to heal horses and help humans to do this. I could be a Parelli Professional. Financially it would be hard, but if I waited and saved for a couple of years I could do it. My little voice inside though said you are not good enough! Then Beth was heading off to fast track, and I made a little comment, of which her reply to me was, 'never say never'. I think at that point I went on the waiting list with a view to try and follow my dream and go to the fast track in 2012. So, if I wasn't good enough then at least I would be trying.
Then of course I got my phone call 8 weeks ago saying that there was a place in June that was available. It was completely unexpected. Threw me and my plans to the wind. Ian, my husband, just said go. I figured work would stand in my way, but my boss said life is too short to stand in the way of things people want to do. He gave me the time off.
I am now standing at the threshold of something big. Two more days and I am off to Fast Track. I am going to work so hard and focus so much to do this. Not only for me, but for all those horses out there like Jack. Frightened, neglected, scared and with people not understanding why they react like they do. To teach people to change the way they are with horses to make horses happy. I want to teach children at the source. So that they grow up learning how to behave with horses and to have fun with them. At the same time, I want to find myself fulfilled and knowing that I have found true happiness. Horses mirror your soul. I want to look in my horses eyes and see me standing there smiling in the reflection....together!
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