It has been a long time since I have needed to write a personal blog due to my daily updates on Parelli Connect and my contributions to Parelli Central. However, it has been a while since I visited my personal space about my aspirations.....
The last few months have been quite a trial. Juggling family, work and of course my needs to achieve a dream of a career with horses. Not to mention to keep striving for improvement in my partnership with Jack, who has no room for inept humans that can't keep up with his endless energy.
After Fast Track last year, it opened a can of worms inside me that I had never addressed. I am very rightly a right brained extrovert just like the lovely
Jack, but I have never truly tried to understand myself let alone my wealth of emotions. When I started to look at my life and how certain things got in my way due to the barriers I placed myself things started to fall down. I stopped coping and I just about held it together in the 'real world'. When the doors closed I fell apart and through persuasion I sought professional help.
I have to admit I never thought psychotherapy would be for 'normal' people. I never knew how cleansing it would be to talk about my childhood, my alcoholic mother, the years of abuse from my step father, how I felt when my mum committed suicide, to name but a few of my trials ...... How it made me realise I didn't always have to be strong, how I didn't have to people please all the time, to have friends and be liked. It helped me find an inner strength and to push forward to grab what I want, be a little bit selfish every now and then, and of course aim high for my goal and be happy to chase my dream.
I am now at a threshold. I told Ian my husband that this is what I wanted and he was either with me, or I would stride out on my own. To have the confidence to say this, was an eye opener for me. It isn't that I don't place value on my marriage, but I needed to know he was behind me all the way. Of course he was, why did I ever doubt it?
So already this year I have signed up and committed a large sum of money, or rather credit, to become an instructor. I also invested in a horse box. One of the few items that I didn't own, but I needed to get over the obstacle of Jack loading, or rather not loading. In a short time we are making good progress. I also need to get my level three. So I have started to progress my riding with True and Josette so that I can have the nerve to jump again. That freestyle audition will happen! Liberty is where Jack and I shine so that is no problem. I am in the midst of my online audition but we both have a bit of stage fright, but we have a few weeks to get there.
In the words of my husband....'I am so glad you have had Jack, he makes you so happy'.......how lucky am I to have found such a special partner....or should I say partners? Sometimes you need to dust off the old to get on with the new....
Oh Darling, big hug to you and Jack and your lovely husband! My husband tells me that if he had known a horse would give me such inner peace and happiness it would have bought me one for our wedding present! As you know my road has been rather bumpy too but I read somewhere that the best horseman have often wounded souls, and this is how they understand horses better because they have known fear themselves! Don't worry about your level 3, I have seen what you can do and you are well and truly a strong level 3 student.
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