DIFFERENT BRANCHES IN THE ROAD

A journey has different branches in the road

As the date approaches when I was supposed to be going on my 1* instructors course, I am reflecting on how I feel.  At first when I found out that the prerequisites had changed, I felt a wealth of emotions and not all of them positive.  Confused, let down, angry, defeated were but some.  It wasn't until later and I made the decision to pull out for this year, that I felt a cloud of pressure lift off me and felt relief, and an inner peace that this is just not the right time.

The last few months have been on fast forward. I must do this, I must do that.  Not only towards the instructors but also with getting jack used to new environments, getting us both out and used to the horsebox, having my lessons with biomechanics and working on riding improvements and my finesse, getting my online audition in the bag.  All alongside working, running a home, and supporting my family. 

Suddenly I could slow down a little, and put my relationship with Jack back where it should be. As the fog cleared I realised that I have been pushing Jack and he had become more distant, and he wasn't the only casualty of my direct line.  My poor husband hadn't seen me apart from a grumpy one hour of each day if he was lucky.  I stopped making so many efforts to spend time or see my children, and I had had no time for friends or some social life.  

Over the last couple of weeks Jack and I are progressing again and he is offering so much more because I am asking. Time is still in short supply but I am making efforts to be in touch with people and if I get invites out, I go, whereas I had gone a bit reclusive.  I am rethinking what to do about work.  I need to have more time for me and I wish to reduce my hours, but it needs to be balanced and I am not going to rush into anything.

Jack and I are now going out to new environments and as I become less frantic and time pressured, he becomes calmer and more responsive. I am obviously a better herd leader that way.  I find people still come to me for help and advice, and no matter what qualification I have, if any, that will still happen.  I must be doing something right, because people listen to my knowledge and allow me to help them with their horses.  That won't change.  Most Importantly, the horses look to me, and I love getting results with horses that before I lay my hands on them, are pushy, or lack manners, or have fear issues.  That won't change either.  

I still have the opportunity to follow this path, and just wait another year or even two if that is what it takes. Or maybe as I travel along my journey, it may branch into a different direction altogether.  Who knows? What I am sure of, is that I made the right decision, and that the time for me is not there yet.  Jack is happy and I have plans to do some things with him and some without, to ensure I keep my life in the balance that it should be.  So on Monday when the new instructors are sitting in the classroom ready to take the next leg of their adventure, I wish them well with a smile in my heart, and maybe one day, just maybe it will be my turn.  Or maybe, we will just continue to be an inspiration for others to show just how good your relationship can be when you take the time it takes.